


Feelings

by ImperialEvolution



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alana's not explicitly mentioned, But it's set post Into the Depths, Gen, Grief, Guess who's still not over Alana Maxwell, It's not so much discussing the relationships, Kepcobi if you really really squint, Like, Pre Dirty Work, Warren is... there, but rather Daniel's emotional state, daniel is a mess, excessive amounts of prose, lotsa prose, the Si-5's collective hubris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 01:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13987971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialEvolution/pseuds/ImperialEvolution
Summary: "This line of work didn't exactly allow him feelings. Not in a casual, normal way."(Daniel thinks about his time with the SI-5).





	Feelings

This line of work didn't exactly allow him feelings. Not in a casual, normal way. The SI-5 isn’t one of the best teams in Goddard Futuristics’ recent history because they have feelings and open communication. They are a good team because, from day one, it’s ride or die, in a very, very literal sense.

Daniel Jacobi quickly learnt that this kind of job attracts certain types of people. Not the best and brightest in their field, not the best trained. No, this job attracts a certain type of person—someone who has no qualms about not being considered one.

The reason he stayed and thrive in the SI-5 was his ability to compartmentalise. The ability to take his feelings and his personhood and lock them in boxes, so he could do what needed to be done in the name of Goddard Futuristics. In the name of progress.

Sure, he was a monster who blew up buildings and people for a living. But he was also a person, who believed that Goddard Futuristics was doing the right thing, even if it meant a little bit of murder on the side. He had friends. Or, just the one. But she meant everything to him, and he cared so much. (Too much). He still has feelings. Unfortunately, he still has feelings.

So. Compartmentalise. He was still human, he just has the capacity to turn into a monster.  He's still human.

That's what he tells himself, late at night, when he can't sleep because of nightmares or a sudden attack of conscience. He's still a person.

But is he? he thinks, later, staring at a blue star, hands tied behind his back. Is he still human? That pain that still crushed his chest, the gunshot that reverberates in his head, that's human.

That's fundamentally and fatally human.

He looks across the room at a man who was once the most important person in his life. He looks across at a man who had once been everything to him.

He isn't human. He didn't rely on his ability to compartmentalise like Jacobi did. He was just a monster. He was just a monster who was biding his time, waiting waiting waiting. All he ever did was the plan and wait and call the shots.

Shot.

_Jesus._

He used to admire this man. And now what was he? A shadowy monster, one with a gun pointed at his head.

He used to admire him. It makes him sick, now. Looking into the blue star like it wasn't a harbinger of death, Jacobi thinks that he's still human.

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess. Sorry it's so vague and weird. I promise I'll write proper stuff soon. Bug me on tumblr @imperial-evolution. We can scream about podcasts together.


End file.
